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Saturday, June 19th, 2004
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i wish im also out tonight. too bad.
i miss brucy woozy. haven't seen him for a long time.
wish he still remembers me.
earlier today, got so emotional. saw satc season 6 finale.
i love paris. i want to go there.
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we are considered partners. not only by us but others as well. :)
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i dream about the future
living with the boy i love most
i just can't wait
i'm happy he's concentrating on school
i've already found the one i would share the rest of my life with.
it's a nice feeling.
security.
happiness.
love.
ivan.
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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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i feel i'm so lucky
i'm blessed
i'm contented
i'm secured
i so love my life now
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someone posted a comment on of my entries asking me whether i really love ivan.
the answer is YES. i really do.
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it's nice to be back. jet lag sucks.
was able to be with my baby again.
i'm so happy to be back.
unexplainable feeling.
i'm back. i love it.
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its been over three weeks. i miss my boy so much.
i just can't wait to see him when i get back.
i so so love my baby and i so so miss my ivan. hay...
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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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17 degrees. It's cold. 11 hours plus. Quite short. 2 hour ride. Feeling tired.
3 hour sleep. First day in LA. Went places. Missing home. Miss my bed. I miss my boy.
Second day, went to the mall. Third day, met francis and kenneth. stayed up till morning. talk.
Went back to torrance, had a long road trip to Vegas. Stopped over some outlet stores. Didn't go
shopping. Nothing really nice. Vegas. Wanted to go online to send some emails. Can't break out from
the group. Loss money on slot machines. I hated it. But it was an experience. Went back to LA at midnight. Hotels were fully booked because of the conventions. At 7-eleven, almost got mugged.
Haha. Paranoia on the freeway, thinking that two f-150's were after us. Stopped over wendy's for
a quick breakfast. Slept in the van for the next hour. Woke up we're near home. Had chinese food for
lunch...again! Hit the shower. Slept for a couple of hours. Woke up. My two cousins Aissa and Marc were already there to pick us up. Chilled at California Disney. Nothing much there. Ate at BJs. Good food. My cousin used to work there. Went home, slept at 5 am. Woke up at 11. Had brunch. Marc was back home from work. Aissa didn't go to school today. Was online to purchase tickets. Credit card problem. Can't do anything about it. Went to the beach. Saw some surfers. It was freezing. Cold. Didn't wear any jacket. Just two layers of clothing. That's it. Went to the mall. Passed by LV. Grabbed a snack. Went to get dessert. Went back to Marc's house. Had dinner. Went home. And now still online, waiting for the credit card to be working again. Sleepy. Happy because I was able to talk to Ivan today for a couple of minutes. He sounded okay. That's good. I miss him. Tomorrow's another day. Can't wait to get into that plane back to manila. I miss a lot of things. But LA's fine. But the weather's not for me. I can't stand the 17 degrees.
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Monday, January 19th, 2004
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Depression is just a state of mind. I have to put an end to this.
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Thursday, January 8th, 2004
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I wish I just said it. It sure would make a difference. It's not a fight. Sort of a "Here we go again" moment. Pride. A factor. I was shy to tell it. I don't know why. I told him afterwards, when I was already home. The sad part is the "Here we go again" moment already happened. I've learned my lesson. I don't want the "Here we go again" moment to happen again. Feels like there's a big elephant na nagkasya sa loob ng pick-up. Tapos na yon. Period na.
-----------------------------------> .
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Again, the first day of school. The third to the last semester of my school life...Hopefully. I had a hard time waking up. I got annoyed by the alarm of my phone. Pressed the snooze button three times. 8:10AM - My first class.
When I first entered the classroom, I felt like there was a BIG elephant in the room. No familiar face. I didn't know anyone. Well, mapunta ka ba naman sa freshmen block. Puro kids nga. Next class. Boring. Third class. Quite okay. The teacher's nice. =). Break time. I decided to go to HP to have lunch in Tokyo Tokyo. Beef Misono and Iced Tea. I'm meeting up with Ivan. I waited in Seattle's Best. Got bored. I decided to sketch. My subject. An old man sitting at another table. Finished sketching. I saw the Pizza Hut Logo. Decided to sketch it as well. Ivan arrived. Went to RP. We watched a movie. Mano Po. He fell asleep for a couple of minutes. First time ko siya nakitang nakatulog sa movie house. I skipped class. I found out my class might be dissolved. A new concern. Hassle. Left RP off to Starbucks - The Fort. Passed by my high school. Muntik na kong maiyak. Na-miss ko lang. The LRT canteen. Ang field. Ang iniintayan ko ng sundo. Mga tinatambayan. Etc...Went home to KC but left again. Off to somewhere...
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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
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It's just a heartburn. I'm not sure. I think it was. It was just today that it happened again. Last time was in Zambales. I was just thinking that I can handle it. He was beside me all the time. It made me stronger. Cried after. I promise that I'd see the doctor. I got scared. Now, I'm okay. He took care of me. I'm thankful. I don't want that to happen again. I'll take care of myself. I promise.
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January 2.
I woke up around 11am. Excited to see Ivan. Dropped by Jollibee. The girl in the cashier is a total HulasZ. Basta. She shouted at me. Ang taray.
At KC. Happy to see Ivan again for the first time for the year 2004. Kiss. I was informed that they would be going to Laguna for Dale's mom's birthday. --> Grammar Check. A bit worried that I can't go. Went home. Paalam. Pinayagan. Went back to KC. Off to Laguna. Tollway. Dale's house. Dinner. Chikahan. Fireworks. Picture taking. NOW THIS IS THE MALAS PART. Pick-up. Passenger Seat. Looking for my wallet. Can't find it. Still looking. Heart beats faster. Went back inside the house to check. Feeling hopeless. Went back to the car. Tears about to fall. Last chance. Go back to the 'isawan'. Well, wala parin. So wala na nga. Didn't say a word until we reached manila. I was just thinking of the things inside my wallet. The hassle of trying to get new ids and stuff. I hate the feeling ng walang kapera-pera. Crashing. Moving on...Dropped by Cityland. Smoked a cigarette. Dropped some people at Halo. Went to KC with Ivan and Elmer. Rocky and Rex dropped by. Elmer had to leave. I went home na rin. What a day! Well I had FUN this day except for the 'malas' part. Charge it to experience. PERIOD.
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Thursday, January 1st, 2004
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It was the first day of the year. I checked my phone and i think there's something wrong with it. Well, something with the battery...I can't charge it. Too bad. So i figured to have it checked somewhere...I don't know. After that, pass by Ivan's place. That didn't happen. I was already dressed. I was not planning to leave yet. Boom! Award-winning best actress speech for a contrabida role from my mom. My mood changed suddenly. I decided to take a nap. Just to forget about it. That was this morning. Now, it's about 7PM and obviously, I'm stuck at home.
Got a text from Ivan around 3pm awhile ago...He misses me. I do too. Believe me. Two symbols to describe how i feel knowing that it might be impossible to see him today...a colon and a small letter "c" -----> :c
Right now, haven't heard from my boy. Probably he's sleeping. Taking a rest.
I wish I can go out tonight.
I MISS HIM.
I feel like I haven't seen him for a long time. I miss sleeping over at his place. I miss partying with him. I miss a lot of things. A lot.
I hate it when i'm stuck at home. It makes me think a lot. Well, today it made me realize one thing...
I may have a lot of issues and angst. But at least I have Ivan to say things to me to look at things maturely. He made me mature. Well, i'm not totally matured but I'm getting there.
I miss my baby. *Checks phone for messages................................... There's none yet. Will wait for his text now. I'm logging off.
What a day to start the year. Whew! Charge it to experience. :)
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Monday, December 29th, 2003
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1. On Love...believe in it. Do it...and feel it.
2. On success...never measure it in terms of money. Measure it in terms of love,
peace and happiness.
3. On Friendship...make friends easily but cherish old ones.
4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
5. The four most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship, "I apologize"
and "You're right."
6. On decision making...Most things are black and white, everything else in between
is gray.
7. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. Then forget about it.
8. On having Fun...Dance like nobody's watching.
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Finally, i have my livejournal account. And im figuring out how to customize the way it looks. damn...im so sabaw.
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m_a_c_k_y's journal
relaxed.